May 1, 2006
The Washington Post
John Kelley

The human brain is a wonderful thing. Combine it with an opposable thumb and you get masterpieces such as the Sistine Chapel and Ringo Starr 's drum solo at the end of "Abbey Road."

But the brain doesn't even need an opposable thumb to do some of its best work. The ol' gray matter can just percolate on its own, firing synapse after synapse, neuron after neuron, until out pops: an idea.

That's what's been happening all over our area as civic-minded people flex their cerebral cortices in hopes of winning $5,000. It's part of a contest sponsored by D.C. Appleseed to solve some of Washington's problems.

I wrote about the contest a while back. Since then the ideas have poured in and have been posted on the nonprofit group's Web site. Many are earnest, wonkish and responsible.

And some are like the proposal from "L.B. , " who recommends that all city water fountains offer a choice between water and chocolate milk. Noted L.B.: "This idea won me the vaunted class presidency in fourth grade and I see no reason why this splendid idea can't better our city."

" K.F." suggests that artists be invited to decorate manhole covers, transforming these "otherwise mundane objects into beautiful works of art." (To which a visitor to the nonprofit group's Web site responded: "Can we stop them from blowing up first?")

Many of the ideas concern dealing with lousy drivers. To combat them -- quite literally -- " C.L." proposes that citizens be given a paint-ball gun when they renew their vehicle registration. "When another driver does something stupid (i.e. double-parks blocking traffic, changes lanes without a blinker, pulls out in front of you suddenly, drives erratically while talking on a cell phone, etc.), you can choose to shoot their car (not the windshield) with one of your paint-ball pellets. You only have five per year so you must use them wisely."

Only five? That would barely last me a week.

What's just as bad as stupid drivers? Tourists. "H.R." suggests the city "implement quotas whereby every state can send only a limited number of tourists to D.C. each year."

I would offer a further refinement: States with politicians who consistently meddle in the affairs of the District would get fewer visas.

"A.C." says one way to combat the anomie and disconnectedness that some people think plague Washington would be to designate a "social car" on each Metro train. "Anyone who chose to ride on the social car would be open to meeting new people and chatting," wrote A.C.

Party on the Red Line!

I'm not so crazy about some ideas, such as the one from "A.S.," who thinks parents of troubled teenagers should get a tax credit. The way I understand it, A.S. thinks this would make poor families less poor, thus reducing the likelihood that teenagers would turn to crime.

But since A.S. structures it so that parents could claim a tax credit only if their child is convicted of a felony or first-degree misdemeanor, I can see mom or dad on April 14 saying: "Hey Junior, go jack that liquor store. We need the deduction."

You can read all 500-plus entries by going to http://www.solvingdcproblems.org . You may even decide to enter yourself. The deadline is Friday.